When you're applying to college, you'll need to gather quite a few documents on your own, and while you’re in control of most of them, recommendation letters are the one area where you have to rely on others. Most schools ask for one to three letters to round out your application, giving the admissions team a sense of who you are beyond your grades and test scores.
Since these letters carry so much weight, it’s worth being thoughtful about how you approach the process. Here is a guide on how to handle it with care.
Why Recommendation Letters Matter
These letters give admissions teams a window into who you are beyond your grades and test scores. They want to hear from people who know you well and can speak to whether you'll thrive at their Institution.
Choosing the Right People to Ask
Your goal is to find people who can speak of your character and your potential. While teachers and counselors are the standard choice, you might also consider a coach, an employer, a pastor, or a mentor who knows you well.
Brainstorm a broad list: Start by jotting down about ten people who have seen you at your best.
Narrow it down: From that list, pick four or five people you have a genuine connection with.
Avoid family members: Even if your aunt is your biggest fan, her recommendation won't carry much weight with an admissions officer. They’re looking for objective, professional perspectives.
Once you have your list, narrow it down to four or five people you'll actually approach. It's smart to have backups in case someone is unable to do it.
Help Them Help You (The "Brag Sheet")
Put together what's often called a "brag sheet". It is basically a summary that makes it easier for your recommenders to write a strong letter. Include things like leadership roles you've held, awards you've received, meaningful personal accomplishments, and your academic highlights. Tailor it to show off what makes you stand out.
Sometimes, a recommender might ask you to draft the letter yourself or give them specific points to address. Be ready for that, they’re asking because they want to make sure they’re supporting you in the best way possible.
Ask for your letter of recommendation in person.
The way you ask is just as important as who you ask.
Do it in person: Whenever possible, ask face-to-face. It shows maturity and respect for their time. Share which schools you’re looking at and why you’d value their specific recommendation.
When to email: If distance or circumstances make a personal meeting impossible, an email is okay. Just keep it professional and personal rather than sending a "template" style request.
Watch for hesitation: If someone seems unsure or hesitant when you ask, it’s better to thank them and move on to someone else. You want your letters to come from people who are genuinely excited to vouch for you.
Send a request for your letter of recommendation.
Once someone agrees to write your letter, send them a follow-up email with all the details they'll need. This gives them a reference point they can go back to when they sit down to write.
- When you need the letter by (give them plenty of notice)
- Your full contact information
- Any forms they need to complete (include two copies—one for a draft, one for the final)
- The college's name and address, plus a stamped envelope if they're mailing it
- Information about the school, like a brochure
- A copy of your brag sheet, along with your application and essay
Let them know they can reach out if they have questions.
Staying on Top of Deadlines
Most people like a friendly reminder. Your senior year is a busy time for you; it's also a busy time for teachers and counselors, too. Follow up a week or two before the deadline you provided your recommenders. Check in with something simple like: " I'm just checking to see if you need anything else from me before the deadline next week," is a polite way to keep it on their radar.
Showing Your Gratitude
Writing these letters is a significant favor. Once the process is done, a simple "thank you" in person is great, but a handwritten note goes even further. It shows that you truly value the time they took to help you move toward your future.
Keep those bridges built; these same people might be the ones you turn to for job references a few years down the road!
Getting the Strongest Letter Possible
The best letters don't just list your accomplishments; they offer specific examples of your strengths and even acknowledge areas where you've grown. They paint a picture of who you are and why you'd be a good match for that particular school.
Start early. How early?
It doesn't hurt to ask toward the end of junior year. That gives your recommenders the whole summer to write or at least think about what they want to say. If you're applying for early admission, you'll need to ask even sooner.
If you're waiting until senior year, start requesting letters in August. Don't pounce on the first day of school—give everyone a couple of weeks to settle in first.
Pay attention to hesitation.
If someone seems unenthusiastic when you ask, it's probably better to move on to someone else. You want people who are genuinely happy to vouch for you. They might be too busy, or they might not feel they know you well enough to write a strong letter. Either way, it's okay.
One last thing, stay in touch with the people who write your letters. Down the road, when you're applying for jobs, these same people might be able to write you references again.